I should be able to effectively and efficiently run my household, wrangle my almost two-year-old and my almost five-year-old with grace and dignity, encourage my husband when he comes home from a long, hot day in the MAF hangar and have an awe-inspiring ministry outside of our home … all while wearing a smile looking like I’ve just stepped out of a magazine. That’s what a REAL missionary does. Then there’s the reality check: I’m still trying to figure out where to buy half of my grocery list, my kids are covered in dirt more often than not, and by the time Jon gets home I usually look like I am melting as I make dinner in the tropical heat. Maybe one day I’ll be more all-star missionary, but that day may never come.
As the pressure builds internally to have it all together, God quietly, graciously leads me to, “Be still and know that I AM God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Ps. 46:10) And I need the second half of that verse, because even though I know I am not “all-star,” my pride still gets in the way, thinking that I have the answer or am the only one who can meet a need. Then He reminds me, “No, child, I WILL be exalted among the nations, whether or not you are pulling your hair out to do what you think is expected. Instead, your true calling is to be still, know Me and obey Me.”
Slowly but surely I am learning the discipline of being still in the midst of the constant flow of life here. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll even be an “all-star,” but for now I’ll settle for finding the rest of the groceries on my list and being still, watching for how He is lifting His name up on this side of the planet.